Are Modern Dating Expectations Unrealistic?

Have you ever had a Russian manicure?

If not, stop whatever you’re doing and see if there’s a Russian nail salon near you. Trust me. Book the appointment. Get the mani-pedi.

A couple of weeks ago, I treated myself to one, and as I type this, I’m still admiring my nails.

This salon has become my sanctuary—modern, pristine, and a place where I’m treated like royalty.

My nail technician is an absolute gem—always upbeat, always chatty. But this time, something was off.

"You okay?" I asked, noticing her usual bubbly energy was missing.

She sighed, twisting her mouth in frustration. "I don’t know if he’s the one," she admitted, referring to her boyfriend—the same guy who had sent a massive bouquet of flowers during my last visit, making every woman in the salon stare with envy.

They’d only been dating a few weeks. No special occasion. Just because.

A guy who does “just because” flowers seemed promising. But now, something was wrong.

"Oh no," I said, curiosity getting the best of me. "What happened?"

She had movie-star looks—slender yet curvy, poreless skin, gorgeous blonde hair, and twinkling green eyes. The kind of beauty that makes heads turn. And though I hadn’t known her long, she seemed sweet, like someone easy to be with.

"I saw a side of him I don’t like," she said, her Russian accent making the words sound even heavier.

Immediately, my mind went to the worst: Was he abusive? A cheater? A liar?

She continued, "He led me to believe he was something he’s not. He’s just not generous. I deserve better."

Ah. He was cheap. Huge turnoff. But I was confused.

"I thought you guys were going to fancy places? Didn’t he take you to Mastro’s and Nobu?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure, we go out to eat all the time. He pays, but that’s just food," she said, annoyed.

I raised an eyebrow. LA’s trendy restaurants are not cheap. But I let her continue.

"I’m by myself out here," she explained, "and I don’t make a ton at the salon. Last week, I only had fifteen dollars in my account.

I asked him for money, and you know what he did?" Her voice dripping with disgust.

"What?" I asked, bracing myself.

"He gave me a hundred dollars!" she said, waiting for me to share in her frustration.

"Oh… that’s nice..." I started to say before she cut me off.

"A hundred dollars? Like, wow, seriously, dude? You gotta be kidding me! What am I supposed to do with that?!"

It made me think about that tricky balance—high standards vs. realistic expectations in dating.

I kept my face neutral, but inside, I was surprised she expected more.

They had only been dating a short while, and I thought it was kind of him to help at all. But maybe I was off.

She went on.

"I put effort into looking my best every time we go out. I’ve been so sweet to him. I make sure I’m a fun, positive person to be around. But he doesn’t get it. My friends’ boyfriends are buying them luxury handbags, even cars. Why doesn’t he see I’m worth that too?"

Now I understood.

She was comparing her relationship to others. And she wanted to be financially supported. 

So I switched gears.

"Has he done anything that makes you feel valued?" I asked. "Maybe things that aren’t material?"

She shrugged. "Kinda, I guess. When I moved into my new apartment, I didn’t have money for furniture. He bought me a new bed."

A bed? A whole bed? Within a few weeks of dating?

"And he’s gotten my groceries a few times, but that’s not a big deal. I mean, I’ve cooked dinner for him twice."

I nodded, processing her words.

She had a man who bought her groceries and furniture—who frequently took her out to fancy restaurants and sent flowers just because.

I wanted to ask if she felt a man should pay for everything in a relationship but I kept quiet.

"I just feel like," she sighed, "are there any good men left?"

Maybe We’re Asking the Wrong Question

I’ve heard that question more times than I can count—from women I love, admire, and respect. Women who are brilliant, funny, successful, and drop-dead gorgeous.

It’s a fair question.

But maybe it’s not the only one we should be asking.

Maybe we also need to ask: What am I bringing to the relationship beyond my wish list? And what do I want long term—love or lifestyle?

That’s not code for lower your standards. It’s an invitation to pause and reflect. Are your expectations aligned with what actually fulfills you?

Because love isn’t just about what you get. It’s about who you become—in the relationship and because of it.

If it’s true that we mirror the five people closest to us, then your partner doesn’t just influence your life.

He shapes the woman you become.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship 

I’m all for being adored—yes, please. We all deserve a partner who listens, supports us, and yes, spoils us sometimes.

But before we ask for that kind of love, we have to pause and ask:

Do I want him to enjoy giving to me—or am I too focused on what I need to notice when he feels burdened by it?

Even if gifts are your love language, a great relationship isn’t built on gifts alone.

Because something changes when generosity becomes expectation.

I grew up watching my four older brothers date all kinds of women—funny, ambitious, sweet, stunning.

They each liked different kinds of women, but one pattern always stood out:

When they felt pressured to provide—or like they were being evaluated by their wallet—they'd pull away fast.

Their behavior taught me that generosity flows best when it’s freely given, not expected.

So, it turns out men aren't really from Mars. They, like us, want to be seen and valued.

Ultimately, they want to be chosen not for what they offer, but who they are. 

Yes, some women get Chanel bags. Some even get flown to Paris.

We never know the full story of someone else's relationship and it’s definitely not a measure of worth.

Instead of craving financial support, we can broaden our lens and consider emotional generosity.

That's something that's built on consistency, care, hard conversations, aligned values, and mutual respect—which takes time to cultivate.

And if that foundation gets sprinkled with flowers or a YSL bag? Even better. But the real win is knowing we didn’t need it to feel valued.