How Ageism Creeps Into Every Stage of a Woman’s Life

One of my favorite ways to unwind these days is binge-watching Netflix.

Um, not proud of that.

Right now, I’m rewatching Younger, a funny and painfully relatable show about a woman in her 40s who pretends to be 27 just to land a job.

Eventually, Liza’s secret gets out. Finally fed up with society’s obsession with youth, she snaps:

“Everyone is pretending to be younger! We dye our hair, we whiten our teeth, we wear moisturizing face masks that make us look like serial killers, and we squeeze our widening hips into Spanx because the most important thing in the goddamn world is to be 27!”

I yelled at my TV—Tell ‘em, Liza! Because beneath the laughs, her words hit a nerve.

The Older We Get, The Less We’re Seen

Ladies, why is it that when we inch past 30—and especially 40—we’re constantly bombarded with reminders of our supposed decline?

• We search for vitamins and supplements to preserve our collagen and bone density.

• We second-guess our clothing choices to avoid looking "dated."

• We feel hurt when our men let their eyes linger a little too long on the younger waitress.

Because God forbid, are we—dare I say it—old?

That’s the ultimate no-no. Let’s be real—we’d rather be called a bitch than be called old.

And the worst part?

Even when we look and feel great, our stock still seems to drop once people know the number.

What’s Your Number?

I thought I was above it. I’ve always been told I look younger than my age. I’m fit, I eat well, and my weight has been steady for the last decade (well, kinda).

I see changes in the mirror—but they aren’t massive. Yet.

Still, I’ve felt the sting of society’s obsession with youth—something I was brutally reminded of when I signed up for personal training at my gym.

I wasn’t looking for a transformation. I just wanted to mix up my workouts and challenge myself.

So, I picked the most shredded-looking trainer, figuring he’d push me to the next level.

At first, he was exactly what I expected—professional, engaging, even a little flirty. It made me feel good. It reminded me that I wasn’t invisible.

Then, one day, he asked how old I was. 

“Forty-seven," I said.

His response? "Ohhhh… didn’t know that! Like you don’t look it at all!"

But from that moment on, his whole demeanor changed. Suddenly, he kept bringing it up. Constantly.

"I mean, you’re almost 50, right?"
"At this stage, you’re already losing muscle mass..."

Every session, he had some bone-headed remark.

It wasn’t about pushing me anymore—it was about reminding me that my best years were behind me.

I was so annoyed. I can hold a 5-minute plank with no problem but he had me questioning my strength.

I wanted to tell him off—but that isn’t my style.

So I ghosted him. Skipped the last few sessions.

Yes, I handled that poorly. I’m human.

What was supposed to be a motivating experience became another reminder that no matter how healthy, fit, or vibrant we are, the number still defines us.

No wonder we stress over forehead lines, laugh lines, and whether we should just get the Botox already!

Ageism Starts Young—And Women Aren’t Always Allies

Younger women—sometimes without realizing it—can be quite negative.

Ever had a 20-something say, “You look great for your age!” instead of just “You look great.”

I cringe at the harsh comments I see about entertainers like Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Aniston, and J.Lo. The internet is flooded with brutal takes on their appearance—mostly from other women.

It’s hilarious when young women talk like they’ll never get older, as if time will skip them.

But here’s the truth: No matter what age you are—someone out there already thinks you’re ‘old.’

When Does a Woman Ever Feel the Right Age?

One of the most frustrating realities of being a woman is that we’re never the “right” age.

• At 20, I met the man who would become my husband. When he proposed, my parents practically staged an intervention.

“You’re too young for a serious commitment! Focus on your career!”

• At 23, I was full of ideas and ambition—and routinely ignored. I’d speak up in meetings, only for some middle-aged man to say the same thing five minutes later—and get the credit.

• By 28, my gynecologist warned me: “Have your first baby before 32.”

I waited. Lived. Built my career. Then at 35, when I was finally ready I had trouble conceiving. Despite every effort, it just wasn’t happening.

And now in my 40s? The conversation has shifted again: menopause, weight gain, and fading relevance.

So when exactly are we just... right? It seems like never—if we let society decide.

The Silent Career Killer: Corporate Ageism

Work isn’t immune to this either.

We spend our early years fighting to be heard—and our later years fighting not to disappear.

Studies show that women over 40 face more career stagnation than men the same age. 

Promotions slow. Interviews dry up.

God forbid we show up looking a little tired—because sometimes we are. We get a concerned: “Are you okay?”

The Real Secret to Aging Well (Hint: It’s Not Anti-Aging Creams)

Here’s the truth: stressing about aging will only age us faster.

I believe the real flex is living well, celebrating our accomplishments and spending time with people who matter.

No amount of Botox or collagen powder replaces the joy of a life well-lived.

If someone gave you a choice—another year of life or a bag of money and 10 days to live—you’d choose time.

So why, when we get that time, do we try to deny it?

Why are we hiding it to impress people who don’t even matter?

That Day at the Gym Should’ve Gone Differently

I should’ve just told that silly trainer: “Yes, I’m 47. I’ve lived. I’m strong. I’m not here for commentary—I’m here for results.”

But I didn’t. I left. Still, that moment taught me something:

Aging isn’t something to hide. It’s something to own.