Queen Bee Envy: Why Some Female Bosses Hold You Back

The Lesson I Didn't See Coming

In my 20s, my husband handed me a copy of Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power.

“Read this,” he said. “It may help you navigate work situations or at least understand them.”

I flipped through the book and was immediately intrigued. It emphasized the importance of power dynamics, perception, and strategic actions to gain influence. Who wouldn’t want to gain influence? I sat down to read it immediately. I laughed out loud at Law #1: Never Outshine the Master. Greene argues that displaying too much talent or ambition in front of your superior can backfire. It might make them feel threatened, leading to resentment or even sabotage. The chapter included a story about a finance minister who worked for King Louis XIV. The minister had wanted to impress the king and threw an extravagant party in his honor. But the party – far more elaborate than ones the king himself had thrown -- made the king feel overshadowed and insecure. The finance minister was arrested and imprisoned. Hilarious!

The story was entertaining but seemed outdated. Surely today, leaders would appreciate talented subordinates who worked hard to demonstrate their skills and expertise. That’s how you get a promotion, I chuckled to myself.

Years later, I would learn how spot on Greene was.

When Success Becomes a Threat

I worked in training and development at a global security company. I loved my job. My boss, Andre, was fantastic. He provided direction but gave me the freedom to execute. Our team was small, so I wore many hats. My days consisted of meeting with subject matter experts and key stakeholders, learning about their roles, and then creating training programs to help employees perform better. I was known throughout the organization and praised for my work.

Later, when I got a new leader, I vowed to wow her and work hard to deliver my best results, just as I had for Andre. Everything started off great—I was driving hard as before, but this leader was different. After one presentation, I received high praise.

“You have stellar presentation skills,” a Vice President said. “We should tap you to help other leaders.”

Even my boss’s leader (the executive VP) joked, “She should be the default presenter at all our important client meetings!”

My boss smiled. I felt accomplished.

Then, the shift began.

When another department requested me for a workshop, I was excited. But my boss had other plans.

“I’d like Amy to handle this one,” she said.

Amy, my direct report, had never given a presentation. She had even said she hated public speaking. I assumed we’d co-facilitate.

No. My boss meant Amy would do it alone.

 At first, I shrugged it off. Maybe she wanted to free up my time for bigger projects. But then it kept happening.

The Final Push

She started having private meetings with my team, asking about my leadership style. She asked around about my reputation. She gave me “coaching” on minor infractions—speaking up too much in meetings, being too friendly with executives, taking on too much work (despite never complaining).

She even suggested I apply for a marketing role—something I had zero interest in. I loved working in training and development and had invested heavily in earning certifications and staying current in the field.

I had no intentions of transitioning to marketing.

Queen Bee Effect

My leader had a background in photography and had taken a different path into leadership. While she was skilled in her own way, we had very different experiences in learning and development. At first, I didn’t think much of it—people come into roles from all kinds of backgrounds. But something felt off.

I didn’t fully see it until my husband pointed it out.

“She doesn’t like you,” he said flatly.

“That’s ridiculous,” I said. “What’s not to like? I work hard, I deliver results, I contribute.”

“That’s the problem,” he said.

I wanted to brush it off, but his words stuck with me. As I replayed my interactions with her, the signs were everywhere—subtle digs, moments where she downplayed my contributions, decisions that sidelined me for no clear reason. It stung.

She was a beautiful African American woman, and so was I. I had hoped for mentorship, support, maybe even camaraderie. But instead, she saw me as competition. I had witnessed this dynamic before—where women of color, often the only ones in the room, maneuver as though there’s only space for one. I hated to think that’s what was happening, but at some point, I couldn’t ignore the obvious.

This was Queen Bee Syndrome in action—where women in leadership perceive ambitious women beneath them as threats rather than allies. I hadn’t heard of it before this experience but was surprised to learn that it wasn’t uncommon. This phenomenon occurs when senior women actively undermine or distance themselves from subordinates. It stems from the gender biases and obstacles they perhaps faced in their own careers. Sadly, it’s even more pronounced among minority women in leadership. When there are so few of us in higher positions, the pressure to maintain status in a space with limited representation can lead to competition rather than solidarity.

The stories are endless because so many of us have experienced it firsthand.

Why We Never Admit to Envy

Of all emotions, envy is the hardest to confess. We’ll admit sadness, anger, even fear. But envy? That feels like weakness.

Yet, it’s universal.

Ladies, be honest—how comfortable are you when your gorgeous girlfriend chats with your husband at a party? You may not admit it, but there’s often a flicker of comparison. A twinge of insecurity. The fear of coming up short.

Okay, now imagine that in the workplace. Where promotions, recognition, and influence are at stake.

Why do we assume that leaders are more evolved, more mature—somehow above the emotions that the rest of us feel. They’re in charge, so they must be immune to petty feelings like envy, right? No. Workplace envy is a thing.  And it doesn’t just happen amongst peers. When leaders are insecure, their envy can turn into something way worse: sabotage.

The Leader’s Role: Mentor, Not Competitor

Being in a position of power doesn’t automatically make someone a great leader. Leadership is about more than authority—it’s about how you guide, support, and elevate those around you. But when leaders operate from fear rather than confidence, they can become barriers instead of champions.

Great leaders develop talent. They don’t stifle it.

• Be a mentor, not a gatekeeper. Help high performers grow. Their success doesn’t diminish yours.
• Recognize your insecurities. If someone’s talent makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why.
• Encourage collaboration. When one person wins, the whole team benefits.

For employees dealing with a threatened boss:

• Be strategic. Share wins wisely. Don’t dim your light but be mindful of timing.
• Find allies. If your boss won’t champion you, build relationships with others who will.
• Document everything. If patterns emerge, keep records of your work and accomplishments.

When Work Steals Your Peace

These power struggles aren’t just workplace drama. They cause stress. Anxiety. Sleepless nights. If you’ve ever stared at the ceiling replaying a difficult conversation, you know the toll it takes.

That’s why I created ICantSleep—to help ambitious women navigate workplace challenges, stress, and growth.

Are you an ambitious woman who has experience envy by your boss? How did you handle it? Share your tips on how you were able to maintain peace of mind. We want to hear from you!